A very important step in recovery from any life changing event that causes negative stress is to find a HEALTHY coping mechanism for any stress or anxiety you may result. I'm not an expert so I will point you in the direction of this article:

http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/coping-with-anxiety?page=1

 I will say my go to is music, meditation and fresh air. I may also do a little stargazing every now and then. :)

What we are listening to right now!

An Attitude of Gratitude Never Fails

Even though our circumstances were not in our favor we had the best of attitudes. While living day to day life we kept our attitudes in check. Never did we doubt that we wouldn't get a job that would put my husband back on his desired career path. Never did we doubt that we would be able to pay rent next month. Never did we worry if we would have to choose between full meals for our kids and paying a bill. Never did we miss a family event because we stressed about having enough gas money. We never disagreed about where our money should be spent. Never did we deprive ourselves of fun weekend entertainment. We didn't blame anyone for our misfortune. We always asked for any extra help we needed from friends and family and accepted graciously the help that was freely offered. We never lost sight of our goals and dreams. We were always grateful for the trial given to us and knew many great things would come from it if not now for sure in the future.

Okay, now that I have most of you have either rolling your eyes or thinking we are saints. I assure you most of the things listed above of our attitudes DID happen at least once. Just to be clear we both had many days of doubt, fear and great anxiety. 

My husband indisputably wins the award between the two of us for having the best day to day attitude about all circumstances we found ourselves in. During the time of unemployment when someone would ask him how he was doing he would say "great!" or "wonderful!" And at that moment he meant it. He often told those who were puzzled by his unusually positive attitude for someone that was in his position he would tell them that the best thing he could do is not dwell on it and bring anyone down with him, so he would say, 

"I AM TOO BLESSED TO STRESS".  

When I was having a rough day and placing the weight of the world on my shoulders he would advise me that "everything WILL be OK, things will work itself out."  It's going to be OK!? When I found myself doubting this I was able to keep positive through my faith in a loving Heavenly Father that would provide for is in His way and timing, my husbands positive attitude,  and the tremendous support from our family and friends.

Weathering Storms in Your Marriage

I thought this article was quite applicable to unemployment.

 What are your thoughts on how to weather storms in your relationships?

Weathering Storms in Your Marriage : TwoOfUs.org

Weathering Storms in Your Marriage

Love is what you've been through with somebody. 
- James Thurber

Bankruptcy, chronic illness, adultery, poor communication and other trials have destroyed many marriages. But other marriages have weathered similar storms and emerged intact. What helps carry one marriage through seemingly impossible circumstances while others crash on the rocks? Do you have what is necessary to see your marriage through hard times? Is love really something you have to “go through” with someone?

Marriage is more than an act of love—it is an act of will. And in times of trial, it may take all the strength you have to fight for your marriage. But while few marriages emerge totally unscarred by tempests, many do emerge stronger—and smarter—from the lessons learned from conflict.
Disappointment in a marriage is incredibly painful—our partner is often the one we expect to lean on during hard times. So when our partner fails us, the emotional fallout is all the more damaging.


Trials may batter your marriage and test your resolve. If you are committed to seeing your marriage through tough times, you will need to summon all your strength. Below are some ways to help you weather crises in your relationship:

• Stockpile forgiveness—You will both need it throughout the course of your marriage.
• Don’t let bitterness erode your marriage—Deal with issues when they first arise.
• Strengthen your defenses—Develop personal character, patience and understanding.
• Avoid sinkholes—Debt, addiction and infidelity all bring strain to a relationship.
• Don’t dig up old debris—Trust is not quickly rebuilt, but constantly digging up past wounds traps both you and your partner in old wreckage and diminishes your present happiness.
• Call upon forces greater than yourself—People in life-threatening crises are not shy about asking for help, whether from a higher power, a support group or a trusted friend—people in marital crises shouldn’t be shy about calling upon these same sources of strength.
• Don’t be a casualty—If your spouse is abusive, seek help immediately.
• Take ownership for your actions—Acknowledge that your words and conduct can wound your spouse.
• Count your blessings—During times of conflict, it can be hard to remember what is good about your relationship; reminding yourself of your partner’s positive traits and the good times you have shared can help you keep a balanced perspective.
• Remember habits are hard to unlearn—Change is possible, but most bad habits and attitudes take time to “unlearn”—understand that a relapse is possible.
• Be emotionally resilient—Don’t let petty frustrations wear you out.
• Don’t expect miracles from a mortal—Even the best men and women will fail each other; ask yourself if your frustrations are based on realistic expectations—if not, be prepared to release your partner from this unfair burden.
• Build on a good foundation—Relationships founded on common values and mutual respect have the best chance of surviving hardships; it is never too late to fortify the base of your relationship.

Maybe you aren’t willing to accept Thuber’s description of love as something you have to “go through” with another person. The concept may offend your romantic sensibilities, even depress you. Whether or not you agree with Thuber’s definition, the fact is all long-term relationships will experience some level of hardship.

Acknowledging the inevitability of conflict in your marriage does not mean you have to relinquish your vision of an incredible marriage. It just means that a little rain may fall, at least for a while, on that vision. Whether this rain simply makes you muddy and angry—or whether you allow the rain to accomplish a good work in your marriage—is largely up to you.

http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/weathering-storms-in-your-marriage/index.aspx

What role does Psychology play?

There are so many resources on the web,  I often would educate myself on thd topic of  uneployment and I remember reading articles like these. The information I as helpful to have sone clarity to the fast spinning world we were living in.



Making Your Marriage Work When You’re Unemployed

Posted by Angel BrownawellGuest blog post from Dr. Rosalind Dorlen, a clinical psychologist in New Jersey The subject of money in marriage is always a psychologically hot topic, and it’s even more of an issue during tough economic times.When one partner loses a job, stress can skyrocket and have severe effects on marriage and relationships—not just a couple’s finances.  In my practice I see many couples who are dealing with the job loss of a partner and the psychological effects can be cataclysmic, particularly when one of the partners becomes acutely anxious and is unable to manage feelings of fear, rage and helplessness.What seems to be adding even more stress to marriage in this economy is unemployment is often more than six months and thus becomes a chronic issue rather than acute and short-lived. This ultimately affects the whole family since stress “filters down” to the children.The loss of a job can create feelings of worthlessness, loss of power, self-esteem and identity. Gender issues. This can be tough on a male, particularly if his source of identity rests on being the economic driver of the family, which is often the case.So what can a couple do to keep their relationship on an even keel during this crisis?Acknowledge the loss. There is grief when a job is lost. It can be helpful in a marriage to be able to talk about the consequences of this loss.Consult experts to find out the best ways to manage your existing finances.Focus on communication. It is normal to have fears, uncertainties and anger over a job loss. You need to be able to talk about these feelings without blaming each other.  It helps if you can try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and appreciate his or her feelings. Encouraging and supporting your partner will go a long way toward improving communication and sensitivity in your relationship.Understand the powerful effect of stress on the body and take good care of yourself. Schedule time with friends, get rest, eat well and try to get exercise. You don’t need fancy gyms to get exercise. If you are able, just get outside and walk.Networking is important not just for finding a new job, but for retaining social interactions and feelings of normalcy.Strengthen your family relationships by spending fun time with each other. Spending couple and family time doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. Try to find ways to stay close to family and friends.Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. It’s good for your mood, your spirituality and your relationship. Try to focus on appreciating what you have and the many joys and pleasures in life.Don’t lose hope. If you find that you can’t seem to move forward with your attitude, or if you are continue to be depressed and overly anxious, consider talking to a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional.Remember, that sometimes going through a crisis like job loss can actually strengthen your relationship. Many couples I have seen report that their marriages improved through mutual support, understanding and demonstrating resilience during the hard times.  Rosalind Dorlen, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist in Summit, N.J. Among her interests and services are therapy for individuals and couples for many issues, including stress related to finances and money.Photo by adwriter (via Flickr)- See more at: http://www.yourmindyourbody.org/making-your-marriage-work-when-youre-unemployed/#sthash.XKdEFtMg.dpuf

http://m.cbsnews.com/storysynopsis.rbml?&pageType=moneywatch&catid=57574017&feed_id=76&videofeed=43&nb_splitPage=5

 http://www.foryourmarriage.org/when-unemployment-hits-home-seven-ways-to-help-your-marriage/

 http://www.yourmindyourbody.org/making-your-marriage-work-when-youre-unemployed/

Working hard through college as most of do, my husband and I both attained a bachelor's degree while having children and working part & full time jobs. Its amazing either of us even passed classes among the 3am work times, morning sickness and newlywed ups and downs, let alone a newborn who didn't care much for sleep. Anyone relate?

Well upon my husband's graduation  excitement, anticipation and anxiety was high! We searched all possible job opportunities and I mean that to the fullest extent. My husband applied for jobs as close as Rexburg, Idaho (where we were living at the time) to as far away as Singapore. We were united on the determination to get a job even if that meant we must move far away. Of course I would love to be close to family I was realistic about what the job market really had to offer.

We did get a job about 4 months ( Dec. 2009 ) after graduation and were very happy to have a little extra income to buy a few things we had put off due to the small income of college students. So we went out and bought some tires for our only vehicle and we payed down some debts. Extravagant, no? We were pretty happy to do just the needs. After almost 10 months into the job we had paid off all our debts and felt comfortable enough to add a vehicle to our then growing family. Just as a year mark at this job approached we were given an abrupt notice with NO inclination of anything amiss that my husband was to be laid off that day. As my husband took the VERY long drive home all he could think about was how he would tell his newly pregnant wife the current events of his very short day at work...  "You may leave the office and your things will be gathered for you and sent to you."...

We were both devastated. Our world was spinning a little faster now and it was hard to get a hold of ourselves long enough to focus on what our future held. We just did what we both do best, we got back to work. We took on the next job opportunities that came along and because of amazing family we were put right back to work. Though it so happened that this next job sent my husband from a highly paid and respected engineer to a laborer whose worst job description would be cleaner of the toilets! (Don't get me wrong, those who do janitorial services are no less than someone at a desk. They are just not given the respect they deserve.)During this time we did not skip a beat to apply for every job within my husbands degree that we found online or were referred to.

The worst of it for me was watching my husbands self confidence be flushed down the toilet. I mean sure there was the worry of not being able to make all ends meet but more important for me was how it was changing us emotionally.

*This is the beginning of my journal blog about our families run in with multiple lay offs within just a few years of marriage, small children, and graduation. I am writing this to encourage and bring hope to those experiencing the same trials. I know couples and families can come out of unemployment stronger than before. I just don't think we are aware of the emotional toll it takes on families and there are just not enough resources for couples and it shows. This is a very rough draft but felt impressed to get it out there sooner rather than later!